Written In The Stars
by SomeLikeItHot88
Summary: This is set two years in the future, Cristina leaves after season 10 for an amazing job opportunity, and to escape the rift between Meredith and her and of course to let Owen find his "person" without her having to hold him back while trying in vain to shelter herself from the pain of seeing him moving on. After a year away she is beckoned back to Seattle, a changed person.
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

Feeling my way through the darkness, guided by a beating heart, can't tell where the journey will end, but I know where to start

They tell me that I'm too young to understand, they say I'm caught up in a dream, well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes, well thats fine by me

So wake me up when its all over, when I'm wiser and I'm older, all this time I was finding myself and I didn't know I was lost.

Its excruciatingly painful to let the love of your life go, to love somebody so much that you sacrifice your own happiness to give them the opportunity to realize and live their dreams. Life is such a cruel and evil existence accompanied by unfairness and heartbreak, the world works so backwards and is designed to build you up for a moment before it tears you down until you have nothing left. The minute you think you have it all, when you can breathe a sigh of relief, when all your ducks are in a row and the universe seems to be tilting in your favor,….thats the exact moment when your world comes crashing down. Because God forbid you get a happy ending, because life isn't a fairytale, even though in moments it makes you believe in them just enough right before it shatters those beliefs. Nothing lasts forever, and your reminded of that fact each and every day. So you sacrifice your soul to the devil, give up the little beacon of hope that was left inside your heart and you tell yourself that its the right thing to do, its what you've always wanted to do, its the path you envisioned and the path you chose. Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

**_"you make me sad, you think that surgery is gonna make you feel,you think that a successful career is gonna make you happy, you think you know things, you know things, and nothing else matters, no one else matters, people do matter, I matter, We-…we matter. So you don't get to toss me aside, I won't let you. "_**

I made my decision, I made my bed, so now I have no choice but to lie in it. I pushed him away, I pleaded that he move on, I detached myself from his world,…and yet…. I was the one left broken. He warned me that it would happen, threatened me with the scenario, begged me to change the course of our lives because he was so sure that I would live in regret, maybe not at that moment, maybe not soon after but he warned me that the day would come when I realized that I was not the sun and that he nor anyone else revolved around me. And here I was…so content in my decisions, so sure of the path I paved , never once considering that the day would come when I questioned my actions, but then again, why should I be so surprised? I never believed in a heaven or hell, but if their was a God, I'm sure as the sky is blue that what we know as hell, we live here on earth, because the smell of burning flesh and the pain associated with being engulfed in flames could destroy the body, but only living in this universe could destroy the soul.

I lost the love of my life,that was hard enough, but that was only the beginning of the end, I also lost my soulmate, my sister, my best friend, my "person", she was all those things,…until she wasn't. We started off on the same road, we set the pace and followed through in sync with each other, each and every step of the way…until we weren't anymore. Somewhere, somehow, I don't know why and I don't know how, but instead of moving forward together, our paths crossed at an intersection and I moved left while she moved right. I chose the road less traveled by, less visited, the path less taken, while she chose the path that was secure and stable, her path had an indefinite end.

**_"You know Cristina, your right, I'm not your person and Owen isn't your person, you person is you, and it always has been." _**

Two different roads we chose, some would say we grew apart, we developed different priorities, we held life to different standards and she outgrew me just as much as I outgrew her. Two roads diverged in wood, and I chose the one less travelled by, but who would of ever thought that both these paths would lead to the same destination. She just happened to chose the quicker route while I opted for a longer journey, serves me right, I was always the stubborn one.

What a difference a year makes, I broke vows, I broke promises, I ended friendships and relationships, I left the past behind when I realized I didn't fit into the box everyone else occupied. I was offered a better opportunity and I took it, there was nothing left here anymore, not Owen, not Meredith and no future. They both moved on without me so instead of watching them slip through my fingers from the sidelines, I spared my self the pain and left the equation completely. Losing one was hard enough but in the midst of losing both, I lost myself.

**_"you pushed me aside because I had a baby, you don't have time for me now, because you don't have time for people who want things that you don't want."_**

Life is a game meant for everyone, and love is the prize

I went, I lived, I saw, I found myself, and now I'm back.


	2. Fight Or Flight

**Thank you so much for the feedback, The first couple of chapters are on Cristina's POV, but it will go to third person so I can articulate what everyone is thinking and feeling, also there will be days numbered from 1 to 365 which shows how she finds herself and realizes that people actually do matter and shouldn't take a backseat to accolades and achievements. Please review and add ur two cents, its appreciated and helps me carve out the story. **

Day 1

It was the most painful moment in my life, I had to say goodbye, but he was reluctant to let me go. He had been strong for months, acting like we never were, like I never existed in his heart, like we were never two halves of a whole. He had done well, he had me fooled, his eyes used to give him away but I lost the power to read them, that, or he took that power away from me. The whole situation was unfair and cruel, he managed to erase my presence in his life so quickly that I didn't have time to react or adjust, It just happened and it was over. I was not even important enough to mention to his new girlfriend, he wanted to erase me from his past so he didn't have to deal with my ghost in his future. He told her that I was complicated, that our whole relationship was toxic, that it hurt to love me. He was so happy when he found someone who could provide simplicity, someone who was easy to love and wasn't like the challenging person I was. God, he seemed so happy, so unaffected by our breakup, so content in my decision to let go. He wanted simple, no he needed simple. He was no longer the broken soldier living in the after, he was back to the Owen who lived in the before, and I guess this Owen, didn't want a woman like me, he needed someone like Beth, and she was it.

Even though I made the decision to end the relationship, it was not easy for me, it was the hardest I've ever had to do, but I loved him enough to let him go. I could never be what he wanted, or give him what he needed. Or thats the conclusion we both came too, sometimes I wish he would of ran after me, told me that I was enough, I wish he had faith in our love, I wish he never would of given up hope. I knew that I would never just wake up one day and want the family he wanted, but maybe if he would of stood by my side, time and experience would have changed my mind. It took many years and many struggles and accomplishments, but somewhere between day 1 and day 365, I found that life consists of the people who make us happy, who make us better, and bring reason to our being, sure, surgery was my calling, my passion, and at one time it was my everything, but it would only serve as those things for such a short amount of time before I was forced to let go of the scalpel. I might of loved it forever, but it would only love me back for as long as I could operate, when that realization hit, I was forced to re-evaluate my priorities.

The Day Before

'Owen?,- I mean, Chief Hunt, do you have a minute?" I asked as my palms started to sweat, making my way into his office.

He looked up from his desk clearly irritated from all the paperwork piled in front of him. He seemed to get even more fidgety when I asked for a moment of his time. How funny, I thought, there was once a time when he would drop everything at the drop of a dime for me.

"Ugh- yeah, can you make it quick?, I have all this paperwork to finish up and dinner reservations that I don't want to miss." He said without looking up again and fighting between paying attention to his task at hand and my presence in his office. I didn't miss the twinkle in his eye, he was looking forward to dinner with the woman who took my place in his heart.

I had a whole speech made up in my head, I had practiced it for days, trying to memorize every word, trying to let him know that I was happy for him and that it was time for me to move onto better and bigger things and away from him, to enable him to be happy, though he seemed to be doing all of that without a problem even though I was still there, working with him, day in and day out. It was just too hard for me, Meredith and him had become different people, and there was no place for me in their new lives. His cold demeanor and the way he was trying to brush me off sent me over the edge, even in my attempt at a last good-bye, he was still adamant about letting me know he had plans, plans that didn't involve me,

"Don't worry, I won't be long, actually..- I was gonna give you a two week notice but since you want me to make it quick so you don't miss your reservations, then I will make it quick." His attention was fully on me now, his face showed confusion and worry, ironic since the best I could get from him these days was polite and professional.

"Harper Avery offered me the head of cardio position at Massachusetts General…. and I'm taking it." I said trying to control my anger at my irrelevance in his life, I made sure my tone was even and icy, trying to convey that he couldn't break me. "I decided that I'm gonna leave tonight so enjoy your dinner, Dr. Hunt." I finished and without giving him time to react, I quickly turned around and left, hoping to never look back.

I wanted to say goodbye to Meredith, I really did, I was hoping that me leaving would rekindle the bond we shared, but when I finally mustered the courage, I realized that my leaving wouldn't matter to her anymore. We had become strangers, and the absence of me from her life would go unaffected and unnoticed. So when I saw her leaving the hospital side by side with Derek, and their two kids engulfed in their embrace, I made the decision to leave without a goodbye. There was no closure between her and I, or me and Owen, it was for the best this way. I wouldn't be missed, so there was no reason for an uncomfortable salute.

I still have the voicemail she left me, I didn't think she would be the one to try and reach out to me but as I was boarding the plane, my phone wouldn't stop ringing, between her and Owen and the rest of my friends and co-workers at the hospital, I had 67 missed calls and 30 voicemails.

"Cristina Yang, you do not get to do this!" Her voice was cracking and hoarse, I could tell immediately that she had been crying.

"Do you hear me? you cannot do this Cristina!, I won't let you just walk away, you cannot just walk away, Owen needs you…., I need you, WE need you, What am I gonna do without you?" her sobs resonated even loader on the phone as she paused for a long moment and let herself cry on the other line.

"ten years, ten years we were joined at the hip, you saved my life, you saved my husbands life, you are my children's Godmother, we have been through a shooting, a miscarriage, an abortion and a plane crash together, ….I deserve more then this, I deserve a goodbye Cristina." the pain resonating from her voice echoed from the phone and made my ears want to bleed. The whole ride from Seattle to Massachusetts, I mirrored those sobs and let the pain and anguish take over my body just as it had hers.

"Cristina, please, please don't leave…. I'am begging you, don't leave me, I can't survive without you, I won't survive without you, …..I can't live without you….I will die without you." He sounded so defeated, so lost, so broken that I couldn't even recognize his voice. His breathing was so rigid and his sobs were so unapologetic. He didn't care about his pride or his ego, he was in fight or flight mode and he wanted to fight but I wasn't ready to fight yet so instead I chose flight.


	3. Moments In Time

Day 31

"26 year-old female, was complaining of chest pains, nausea and vomiting, I miss-diagnosed her, I thought she had a peptic ulcer, but she was OD-ing, crack cocaine."

"OK but why did I get paged, this isn't a cardio patient."

"Yes, she is, she has idiopathic dilated cardiomyopathy." Cristina sighed, great, a heart condition mixed with the use of illegal and lethal drugs, this person must want to die.

"Oh, and by the looks of it she is a working girl."

"you mean,…hooker?, what makes you think that? she asked, "Girls these days all dress up in these slutty outfits."

"Well, she told me her name was Cinnamon, and offered to blow me if I signed her release form."

Day 65

"VIP Patient, incoming, you will be the lead in the case, we need to make sure we take good care of him, his whole career will be resting in your hands."

"Chief Avery, I do not distinguish between my patients, I give each and every one the same amount of courtesy."

"Well, for this particular case you must form a distinction, give all your pre-ops and post-ops to your surgical fellow and residents, I need your undivided attention."

"Well who the hell is this guy? Bono?"

"No, not Bono, he's the new third baseman for the Boston Red Sox, he won the Triple Crown last season and MVP. "

Day 71

"What's your real name?"

"Leah, but nobody has called me that since I was a little girl."

"Well, I'm gonna call you leah because I refuse to use an ingredient as a name to refer to you as."

"Your kinda stuck up, I bet you look at me with disgust, I mean, I've been in this hospital three times in the last few months, you'd think I would learn my lesson but the drugs help me forget, they offer an escape, they make it easier for me not to jump into incoming traffic or kill one of my johns when they get out of hand."

"I don't look at you with disgust, maybe pity but not disgust, you know that if you keep overdosing, with your heart condition, you will die?"

"That's what I'm hoping for."

Day 98

"Well, everything looks wonderful, all your tests came back, you passed with flying colors."

"It's all thanks to you Dr. Yang, I feel amazing."

"I'm glad to hear that, are you back to hitting touchdowns?"

"haha, I think your getting your sports mixed up, I hit home runs.'

"Oh, right, sorry, I don't know much about sports."

"Well if you'd like, I can get you tickets to some of my game's, maybe you'll take a liking to baseball."

"I'd like that."

Day 120

"Leah, you coded, twice, do you know what that means?, I mean for God's sake, you need to get help, you can't keep repeating this cycle over and over again."

"Well, lets hope that next time I actually die. I'm a prostitute, it comes with the territory Dr. Yang, I know that you have no idea what its like to be in my shoes or live the life I endure every single day, so you don't get to judge me.'

"No, I guess I don't, but if I were you, I'd try and get help, I would try and get off the streets, get an education, get a real job."

"And how would you do that? I have no family, no money, no home,I dropped out of school in the 8th grade, my father molested me until he died of a massive heart attack, my mother was a heroin

addict and left when I was three and now I rent a bed at my great aunts house, who knows I sell my body for a living and still insists I pay rent."

"Wow, some people don't deserve to have kids."

"Do you have any kids?"

"No, never had the want to, always wanted to be a surgeon, thats my baby, besides, I'd be a horrible mother."

"Yeah right, your educated, smart, beautiful, and your a heart surgeon, but you decide you don't want kids, instead the drug addicted whore who lives in filth and spends more time on her knees and her back gets to get pregnant and have a baby."

"I'm sorry for what happened to you as a child, my father died in a car accident when I was nine, I was with him and I saw him take his last breath, I actually felt his heart stop beating with my bare hands against his chest, trying to prevent him from bleeding out, I was never the same after that.

"Was he a good dad?"

"He was the best dad, when he died, he took a part of me that was never returned, thats when I decided that I wanted to be a surgeon, thats when I made the decision to make surgery my number one priority."

"Is that when you decided that you didn't want kids?"

"I don't know, maybe, I do know that that was the day when I lost faith in a lot of things though."

"I found out too late, and now I can't do anything about it, I can't break my addiction, its too late to abort it, I don't want it, and its gonna be addicted to cocaine too isn't it?."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm pregnant."

Day 180

"Did you guys see this?" Alex made his way into the attendings lounge and dropped the magazine on the table that occupied most of the hospitals intermediate staff.

"Is that Cristina Yang?" Callie asked as she reached for the glossy cover in surprise and read the title, _"Who puts you back together? top 40 under 40" _

"Let me see that" Meredith interjected as she took the magazine out of her hand. April and Jackson huddled around her as they all examined the cover.

"Wow, she's number one on the list,…how come none of us made this list?" April pouted

"Because none of us performed a modified Bentall procedure on a Boston's Red Sox player who happened to have Marfan Syndrome." Jackson interjected, "thats all my grandfather talked about during Christmas dinner, Dr. Yang this, and Dr. Yang that" He mocked in his grandfathers overzealous voice. "He's so infatuated with her, did you guys hear that she a contender for the Harper Avery Award this year?" He asked as Owen entered the room.

"Have any of you seen Shepherd?, I need a consult" he asked as he made his way into the room. "And whose up for a Harper Avery Award?" he added

"What are you all huddled over looking at?" he asked confused as to why everyone was so mesmerized with whatever Meredith held in her hand.

"Nothing, its nothing." Callie answered quickly and grabbed the magazine back from Meredith and hurriedly took it into one of the folders that laid in front of her.

Did she just try and hide whatever they were looking at in one of her patients files? Owen asked himself as he became more anxious to know what had grabbed everyones attention and if that had anything to do with who was nominated for one of the most prestigious awards in the medical field. He made his way over to Callie and abruptly slid the folder right underneath her arms which were desperately trying with all their strength to keep the mystery file from budging out of her grasp.

"Owen, stop it, its nothing, just a patients blood tests" she hissed as she put forth her whole upper body onto the table for added support. "Yeah, Chief Hunt, its so not anything important" April chimed swiped the folder and magazine inside of it in one fluid motion and before anyone had the opportunity to warn him, he was faced with the sight of Cristina Yang on the cover, dressed in dark blue scrubs and a lab coat. Her hair was cascading down her shoulders in an artistic form and both her hands were crossed around her waist, she carried herself with grace and elegance and gave the hint of a small smirk forming from her full lips, the picture vaguely reminded him of the Mona Lisa.

Owen let out a long breath that he hadn't realized he was holding, his pulse quickened at the mere ability to see an image of her again that wasn't derived from memory or fantasy, and didn't occupy a dream or nightmare. It conjured up the same feelings that had been on the surface for the last six months. They say that time heals all wounds, so why am I unable to accept the fact that she's gone, he thought. He looked around the room and noticed everyone wincing at the pain he was sure was written all over his face.

"Wow, this is amazing, good for her." he started trying to sound indifferent and unfazed.

"Did anyone read the article? is there a section about her, how is she doing?" he asked nonchalantly

"She's probably basking in the glow of all her achievements and successes, hot shot doctor that doesn't have the will or want to pick up a phone call and make time for anything that doesn't involve surgery or her career" The resentment and hatefulness in Meredith's voice filled the room as she pretended to read the book she had in front of her. Those words were so true and raw that Owen couldn't help but flinch himself, he felt pain for himself but he also held the pain that Meredith carried and passed by as hate towards her best friend. After weeks of mourning the loss of Cristina, Meredith lost the will to miss and try to reengage their friendship, instead she opted to dismiss the relevance Cristina had in her life and began to see her more as a monster then the person who she once deemed her soulmate.

"I read the article, and actually, it was interesting, she was interviewed by the editor and she has changed drastically, you cannot continue to hold grudges, you both basically blacklisted her from your lives, she had no choice but to leave, what did you guys expect? for her to stick around while you both ignored her and treated her like she meant nothing to you two?" Alex asked with a disgusted look on his face. "Izzie left me high and dry, without so much of a goodbye, so you can't tell me I don't know how you feel, cos I do, but I tried my best to make her happy, to make her feel loved and wanted, but she still left me, even though I fought tooth and nail for her, but the both of you, you two just gave up on her, without a fight" He got up from the sofa he had been occupying and took the magazine out of Owens hand. "I would of left too" He added as he flipped through the magazine looking for the exact page that had her featured interview. When he found the page, he set the article down on the table for everyone to be able to see, while he instructed everyone to read the interview questions and her answers to them.


	4. Something I thought I Never Wanted

Izzie had once proclaimed to Cristina and their other friends that surgery was just a job, it was a thing you come home from, not the thing you come home to, and if you lose your job, you get another one, because theres always another one, but if you lose your love, then you've lost it all, cos that couldn't be replaced. Cristina always rationalized that she would put her career before any man or relationship, because her career would never wake up one day and tell her it didn't love her anymore, it would always be there for her no matter what. It didn't consist of any drama, breakups or makeups, there was no tension, she didn't have to worry about her career loving someone else, or leaving her or cheating on her. Her passion, surgery, didn't care if she never was gonna be a mother, it actually preferred it, it wouldn't have to fight for her attention. Her career didn't mind that she was messy, or didn't know how to cook, it didn't care that she was insensitive or complicated, she was a challenging person, and it thrived off of her uniqueness and unpredictability.

As the months dragged on, she had to keep reminding herself these things, so the more she started to question the decisions she had made, the more she threw herself into being the best damn surgeon she could be, that way she didn't have time to think, just act. She spent most her time inside the hospital, and what little she got to experience of Boston was usually done at a nearby bar, and involved a lot of tequila. It was nostalgic and depressing at the same time, being in such a similar environment as Joe's bar, though it was similar, it definitely wasn't the same. She didn't have any close friends except for Harper Avery himself who had become a mentor and a bit of a father figure, and since there was a huge female to male ratio difference in this hospital, the few women who were employed, either were too intimidated by her or were jealous of the fact that the males were all mesmerized by her. Cristina knew better though, she didn't want another fiasco like she had in Mayo with Dr. Parker, she wanted to be able to look herself in the mirror without disgust. This opted her to take a vow of celibacy and promise herself not to get involved with anyone at the hospital.

She tried as hard as she could to not think of the life she left behind in Seattle, it was just too painful to sulk in the memories that continued to haunt her. The only times when she would let her mind wander and wonder was when she would come home after a grueling day, it was usually after she lost a patient, recently, though, she noticed that her bedside manner improved, she found herself making connections with patients that blurred the lines between professional and personal, she made attempts to sympathize, to listen and to empathize, things that were so out of her character. She had also become a teacher, and an amazing teacher at that, she made sure that she was still the hard-core surgeon that could make an intern squirm or run and hide under a desk with just a look or a "one liner", but she made sure that everyday she taught and rewarded her students who showed her passion and desire to be amazing, to be the best they could possibly be. People had her respect before she even started to work at Mass Gen., her reputation spoke for itself, but with her continued devotion and dedication to her craft, it was clear that she was paving the way for bigger and brighter opportunities. Dr. Avery even hinted to her that he saw her taking over his hospital when he retired.

One of her patients had really gotten to her, she kept coming in and out of the ER with drug overdoses and injuries sustained by her johns. She had formed an unorthodox relationship with Leah, she felt her pain and understood her struggle, just trying to get by day to day. This woman wanted to die, she had lost her will to live, she had no regard for her life or future. She also had nobody to love, and certainly nobody loved her, but there was just something about her that tripped Cristina's savior complex into action unintentionally. She just couldn't walk away from her, she used to be so cold, cut and dry, but now she found herself being a doctor and a therapist, well maybe not therapist, mentor sounded more like it. At 26 this woman had been through more pain and sorrow then people face in a lifetime, she wanted to give up so bad, she kept poisoning her body and hoping to die, but Cristina would never let her. Then she found out that she was pregnant, she was a pregnant prostitute who was addicted to cocaine and had a serious life threatening heart condition. She found out too late, couldn't get an abortion and was forced to carry out her pregnancy, she told Cristina that she would give up the baby, probably leave it at the hospital after it was born, she couldn't take care of herself let alone a baby, a baby that could possibly be addicted to drugs upon being born. Leah had also taken a liking to Cristina, she would joke that she purposely would overdose she she could spend some time with Dr. Yang and have some of their "heart to heart" conversations. For the fist time in months Cristina found herself lifting barriers and allowing herself to talk to someone freely, it felt good even though it was done under tragic circumstances.

Day 200

"So why did you get a divorce?"  
"Ahhhh, complicated, lets just say we wanted different things."  
"Like what?"  
"I got an abortion, and then he cheated to get back at me, and then we reconciled but I broke things off again because I realized that I wasn't enough for him, he wanted to be a dad, and I loved him enough to let him go and realize his dream."  
"You must of not loved him enough…."  
"Excuse me?"  
"Well, I mean, if he was the love of your life then you would of been able to put his dreams ahead of your own, right?"  
"And lose myself in order to make him happy?"  
"You wouldn't of been losing anything, you would of been gaining a baby, not to mention he would of been thanking you everyday for making his dream of being a father come true."  
"But I didn't want a baby, I didn't want to be a mother."  
"You didn't?, as in past tense? or you still don't?"

Tonight was one of those nights, lonely and depressing. She was sure she was drunk because she was thinking about him, and she never thought about him unless she was under the influence. It was too painful and unfair for her to live in the past or think about, should-a,could,woulda's. But tonight was a hard night, and in these instances ghosts of the past always seemed to resurface. She didn't have Meredith to confide in or inform of anything going on in her life, and that sucked because Meredith knew her like no-one else, she could be bluntly honest and even inhumane, but Meredith would get her, understand her, and relate to her. Nobody else could replicate that kind of connection, even when Cristina acted so emotionally stunted and cold, Meredith saw the little spark of humanity emit from her pores.

Cristina was just about to order another drink when of course her pager went off. It always did so at the perfect timing. She was pretty intoxicated so she would have to let whomever paged her know that she could not practice medicine in this state. She got up, paid for her drink and left a tip, then continued to walk towards the exit and a block to the hospital.

She made her way to the Chiefs office wondering why he had paged her 911, she wasn't on call tonight and she had left her patients in the hands of her fifth year resident. She found Dr. Avery in his office with a man in a suit and a police officer, strange, she thought.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I wasn't on call tonight so I'm intoxicated and I'm pretty sure you don't want me examining patients or operating on them." Cristina said trying not to sound too inebriated since there was a cop in the room. The Chief was having a hard time looking Cristina in the eye. She looked at the Chiefs face and noted his somber expression, he looked uncomfortable and uneasy and Cristina's mind tried to frantically think of what could be wrong, had she done something to merit a phone call to a lawyer and a cop? She thought.

"Cristina, you remember Leah, the patient that you treated multiple times with cardiomyopathy?"  
"Yes." Cristina stated in a ragged breath. Why did he drag her here to talk about a patient?  
"She came in again tonight." He started while taking a deep breath, "We did everything we could…."  
"No, don't tell me she died, please don't tell me she's dead." She interjected as tears threatened to fall from her face as she lost the ability to think clearly, think like a doctor, she was thinking and acting like a family member. Her voice was hoarse and cracking.  
"Why didn't anyone call me?" She practically screamed.  
"You were't on call, and I was here, I promise I did everything in my power to keep her alive, but she was too far gone."  
The chief closed his eyes and took a deep ragged breath before handing her a piece of paper. She scanned the contents but didn't understand what it was.  
"I don't know what this is?" She stated raising her eyebrows ad crinkling her forehead.  
"We couldn't save her, but we were able to perform an emergency C-section, the baby survived, its a girl, she's in the nicu, its a miracle but she's alive and she is not addicted to cocaine. "  
Cristina let out a breath she didn't know she was holding as relief flooded from her chest.  
"Wait…., theres more." The man in the suit chimed in.  
"I'm Leah's state appointed attorney and that letter your holding is a document stating that Leah signed over her parental rights of her baby to you."  
Cristina's heart stopped, what was this man talking about? How could she do that? was it even legal? Why would Leah leave her child in the care of someone she barely knew?  
The lawyer could see the shock and confusion clearly written on her face so he began to explain to her the semantics of the situation.  
"Leah also wrote a will and a letter that she instructed to give to you, she wants you to read it when you go up to see your baby and have her in your arms for the first time."

Cristina quickly grabbed the folder out of his hand and left the room, running to the fifth floor to the neonatal department as fast as she could.


	5. Life Or Something Like It

Cristina's mind was running a mile a minute, almost as fast as she propelled her body, it was moving at a speed it had never been accustomed to. Her heart was beating out of her chest from the realization of just what that piece of paper meant, that, coupled with the physical strain she was putting her body in by testing how fast she could get to the tiny human that was forced upon her, was making her feel like she was gonna blackout at any minute. She was sure that she had also been holding her breath while she raced to get to her destination, she shoved a nurse out the way, ran into a fellow attending and knocked his charts out of his hands and onto the floor, she even took the stairs two steps at a time when she grew aggravated and banged with all her might for those damn elevator doors to open. What made the situation worse was that she was teetering on the lines of drunkenness and sobriety, she was afraid that her state of mind at the moment would cloud her judgment and result in her making a decision that was influenced by her intoxication.

Finally, She thought, as she descended on the floor that housed all the new life that had been created and born, an area of the hospital that she didn't know her way around, it was completely foreign to her. She halted to a stop when she reached the big glass window that separated her from the neat rows of newborn babies in the hospital nursery. She quickly came right up to the glass, her nose a mere inch away and both her palms placed against the cold, hard glass that prevented her from entering the room. She finally let out a ragged breath before inhaling again and exhaling, trying to compose her body while her mind tried to register and comprehend what had just happened, it felt so surreal, so unbelievable, so pinched herself just to make sure she wasn't dreaming, again. In her episodes of inebriation she would sometimes fall asleep thinking about him, and sometimes her subconscious would not only subject her to dream about the past she left behind in Seattle, but it would jab the knife inside her a little harder, and force her to confront the life she refused to let live.

She scanned the babies frantically, her eyes couldn't hold focus on any longer then a split second, her heart skipping beats again, as her palms began to form a thick moisture that mirrored the layer of sweat that was beginning to emit from the pores of her forehead. With a quiver of her lip and a long exaggerated gasp- she finally laid eyes on her. She didn't know how, she refused to ask herself why, but she knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was her, this was Leah's baby, correction, this was her baby.

No. No, this is not my baby, I refused to carry to term a life that was created by my husband, the man I loved, and me, how could this woman think to leave her child under my care? I broke my marriage, my relationship, I even left my home in Seattle to escape the persecution I felt for my unapologetic views of how I should and could live my life. I don't want this baby, I didn't even want my own, she thought. Damn that drug-addicted whore, what the hell did she do to me? Way to screw me over, she got her wish, she ended her life, and left me with this burden, this is why the old Cristina never got attached, this is why I never used to let my guard down.

The very moment that the nurse handed Cristina the baby, she immediately drew her small tiny hand to grasp Cristina's long pointer-finger. This sent a wave of shock and fear as it pulsed through her body. She wanted to feel nothing, as horrible as it sounded, she wanted to be indifferent, unemotional and insensitive. She was ready to sign her rights away at the first given moment, she wanted nothing to do with some strangers baggage, and she wanted to dispose of it as quickly and with as little feelings involved as possible. She was not a kid person, never had been and never would be, she tried to rationalize. But, she did have the capacity to love a child, after all she did love her God-children very much, and what scared her the most was that she felt a sense of elation when her eyes met with this babies light blue orbs. Leah was blonde and blue-eyed, the baby inherited the color of her eyes, but it was evident that the father must have had asian ancestry, the drastic contrast from the bright blue eyes and the mass of dark spiral curls and the slight slant on the outside corners made this baby look unreal, she was captivating.

As if on instinct she caught herself counting, ten fingers, and ten toes, examining the head for any bumps and paying special attention to the newly forming belly button, it is cute as a button, she marveled without noticing the direction her thoughts were headed. She inadvertly caught a woof of that new baby smell that filled her airways and unclouded her judgments, she inhaled the scent deeply and in an instant she felt terrified all the while the world started to make more sense. The feeling was indescribable, she was even wondering if she was making it up in her head, there was a flutter in her heart as she cuddled into Cristina's embrace and let out a sigh of contentment. An ache started to form in the bottom of her stomach, and she wondered what it would of felt like to have carried this baby in her own womb.

She slowly maneuvered her self without disturbing the comfortable position that they both shared, she reached for the manilla envelope that the attorney had instructed her to read only when she had the baby in her hands. She opened it up to find a hand-written note from Leah.

* * *

_Dear Cristina,_

_All my life I have wondered why I was born, why God decided to bring me into this world only to have me suffer and struggle, I always thought I would never amount to anything or do anything productive with my life. At one point I did have faith, and I did believe that there was something bigger and better out there for me, but those hopes and dreams had long diminished as I was forced into a life of selling my body to any man that would pay and losing my soul bit by bit until there was nothing left. The only way I could bare my own existence was to drug myself up enough to the point where I lost the ability to feel pain, or hurt, or anger. _

_And then I met you, and finally I realized what my purpose was, why I kept ending up at your hospital, and under your care. I was meant to meet you, I was brought here to give you a gift that you kept returning, a gift you were meant to have but kept refusing. I know you probably hate me right now, you might not understand my decision or agree with it but I chose you, I chose you to be the mother of my child because God chose me to give you something you never wanted but always needed. _

_I know you will be excellent, there's not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that you will raise her with dignity, morals and determination. One day you might even be able to retire the scalpel from your hand and place it into hers. You can give this baby everything that I couldn't, and I hope you decide to take up the challenge and make her a part of your life, I hope you decide to tie your life to hers and show her what it means to love, to care and to live. I signed away all legal rights and obligations from me to you, that means she is no longer mine, she actually never was, she is yours. _

_And who knows, maybe she will change you even more then you already have, maybe she will inspire you, make you believe in bigger and brighter things. I hope that one day, you wake up and can't imagine a life without her, but most importantly I hope that you find a man who you love so much that you can introduce her to, and maybe if she's lucky, one day the two of you can make her a little baby brother or sister. _

_I know your capable of doing this, you just needed a push, so here I'am giving you that little extra nudge, don't disappoint me, I will be there in heaven looking down on you, and you'll never be alone because I promise to guide the both of you._

_Make my life mean something,_

_Leah_

* * *

Cristina wiped the tears that were unashamedly falling down her face, she knew before she had started to read the letter, the feeling in her heart was unmistakable, but now she was sure as the sky was blue that this tiny creature huddled in her arms belonged to her, she just knew that this was her baby, she felt it with every fiber of her being. She lost the will or the want to fight it as she realized while rocking the baby back and forth that Leah wasn't the only one who chose her, this baby chose to be her daughter and now Cristina chose to be her mother.


	6. Time of Your Life

Authors note: I think the writers of the show did the viewers and Cristina an injustice, I believe that the episode in season six, where she gave up her opportunity to scrub into surgery and opted to spend her time consoling that little girl was a testament to how she had grown from the intern she was in season one, to the doctor she became in season 6, after that case. the writers gave us false hope that she would change her mind, but I believe if Rhimes didn't rely solely on drama (after all its a soap opera) that Cristina would of definitely come around just like Meredith and Arizona. But sadly that doesn't attract viewers, I'm just pissed because they gave us scenes (Margaret Campbell case "what will you have" scene) that insinuated a change, but it never came. lol.

She was an unorthodox mother, after all motherhood had been forced onto her, she flinched, as much as she hated to admit it, the thought of never wanting her, or a baby brought about feelings of guiltiness and unworthiness. The first few weeks were surreal and hectic, she never once imagined that she was capable of loving another person to this extent, she hadn't felt these kind of emotions and feelings since she was forced to watch the most important man in her life die in her small adolescent arms. It was a feeling that no words could describe or do justice in executing the contentment that filled her whole body, and for the first time since she was nine years old, she didn't miss her father, this baby hadn't just filled a void that she never knew was missing, this baby also emitted an ora that made Cristina believe that her father was closer then she thought, almost like he was incarnated into this newborn and brought back to her.

Cristina was a challenging person though, she was not mushy and gushy, she didn't "baby talk", well in public at least, but when she was behind closed doors that was different story. (She had a reputation to uphold). She tried to act as normally as she could at work, to any other person no difference would have been detected. She made sure that her role as head of Cardio was just as important as it was before, and made sure to never let her situation at home effect her life in the hospital. She was a bad-ass and she still remained one, but now, she was a bad-ass with a baby, and she was taking on the extra challenges with stride, proud of herself for being able to do both. Her hard work in the OR was paying off in the most wonderful ways as all the dreams she had made in the past were becoming a reality, she was ranked at the top of the most promising doctors under the age of 40, and she was treating patients who were famous athletes, politicians and socialites. But her biggest dream was on the brink of being reached, A Harper Avery Award which she was nominated for this year, it was a good life. She had it all, or did she?

She named her baby Teagan after buying a book of baby names and studying it like it was the bible, for some reason it spoke to her and when she said it out loud, Teagan, voiced a small nod of approval. She thought that it would of probably been a lot easier and ideal if Teagan was born a boy, she could of raised a boy with a lot less headache, but the cards were dealt and she was given this beautiful, captivating baby girl, Cristina reasoned that it was not that big of a deal because she would just raise her to act like her mother, so neither of them would ever be the quintessential females, they would both be surgeons, and damn good ones at it.

Cristina's housekeeper offered to play double roles, she was ecstatic when she showed up for her weekly cleaning to find a little baby girl laying in a bassinet. Minka lost her husband many years ago when she lived in Russia, he was the love of her life and she could never find it within herself to move on, thus she never married again and never had the opportunity to be a mother let alone a grandmother. When she offered a helping hand, Cristina was thrilled that she didn't have to look elsewhere or hire a stranger to look after Teagan. To make life easier for both of them, Minka let all her other clients go and made the position as nanny and housekeeper to Cristina permanent, this enabled her to move into the lavish apartment in the city that her employer owned, since it was a two bedroom penthouse apartment, it was an ideal situation for both.

Day 260:

"Now, if you ever tell anybody about this I promise I will ship you off to boarding school the first chance I get." Cristina's voice started out in mock-seriousness as she sat in the nursery that Minka and her had decorated and put together. She was seated on the rocking chair that the store clerk was adamant about her buying, with Teagan in her arms, she couldn't help but sigh in contentment. She longed to come home every night after a grueling and strenuous day and be greeted by this beautiful face, there was no feeling to describe it, it just felt like home.

Teagan was being a little fussy tonight and wanted to stay awake and keep Cristina company. She would normally be put down for her naps and to sleep by Minka, who she had grown to love and adore, but when Cristina was anywhere near, she wanted nothing to do with anybody else but her mother. She would pout and fuss until she was cradled in Cristina's arms and only then would she listen to drift off into slumber. Cristina started to rock back and forth in a slow motion while admiring the bundle of cuteness that was held inside her embrace, when her sobs started to subside a little, Cristina kissed the top of her head and inhaled that new baby smell that she now was obsessed with before starting to lightly sing.

"Hush, little baby, don't say a word, Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird, And if that mockingbird won't sing, Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring….

Day 290:

"Mom, before you come to visit, I have to tell you something." She took a deep breath and wondered again if this was such a good idea. She would find out eventually, giving her a heads up would be better.

"Well what is it, your worrying me." Helen answered with concern eve dint her her voice.

"I've got a kid now." She flinched, the words hadn't come out like she wanted. She could just picture the look on her mother face from the phone line.

"Wh-, What do you mean Cristina?" The confusion evident in her voice, mixed with a rising of anger.

"Ugh, a patient of mine died while she was pregnant, she was a troubled women who had a heart condition and a drug problem, she deliberately overdosed to kill herself but before dying, she signed away the legal rights of her kid to me." She finished hurriedly, trying to speed up the conversation so she could hang up as quickly as possible.

"I'm a grandmother?, well, this isn't ideal for me, I always expected that you and that husband that you married without me being present would give me a grand-baby, but, nonetheless I finally have someone to spoil." Her voice rose with enthusiasm as she reached the end of her sentence before adding, "How is Owen by the way, is he enjoying Boston? I haven't heard you mention him at all the few times we've talked on the phone."

"Errr, He's good, actually he is back in Seattle so unfortunately you two will miss seeing each other, he has obligations over there for a few months." Cristina tried her best to sound convincing and mentally slapped herself upside the head for forgetting that she never told Helen that Owen and her were kaput.

Day 335:

"Say hi to you uncle Alex." Cristina sat across her laptop with Teagan positioned in front of the camera while she guided her hands to give Alex the best wave that the little girl could muster.

"Wow, she is getting bigger and bigger by the day." He gushed as he waved back and gave her a kiss through the camera. "She is so damn cute, she looks a lot like you." He started to say before wrinkling his eyebrows and shaking his head. "No, actually she looks like the product of a Yang and Hunt baby." He laughed at how ironic it was. "He is gonna freak if he ever finds out, you know he will be heart broken to know you left him cos you didn't want a baby and now here you are, with not just a baby, but a baby that looks like your offspring." He rambled on.

"He won't find out!." She interjected, "Because you won't tell him."

"I know I won't tell him but he will find out eventually, your a hot shot doctor now, people like to talk about you and your business."

"Even if he does, he has moved on a long time ago, I mean before I left I think Emma and him were picking out China patterns and testing out mini-vans." She tried not to sound hurt but it was really hard to talk about the past she left behind.

"They broke up after you left, she said he wasn't ready to date, it was really awkward because he had pushed Callie to hire her as a peds surgeon and she did, and then they were all broken up but working together uncomfortably." Alex must of seen a twinkle in her eye appear at his revelation, he quickly added the last part to let her know that if she had any regrets about leaving, then she should come back and reconcile before Emma decided that Owen was ready to date again.

"Listen." He began, "She still has a thing for him, an infatuation, she's just waiting until he is completely over you, she has since started to open herself up to him again and its only a matter of time before she asks if they could give it another go, so I'm saying, if there is an ounce of regret inside of you, then please come back to us."He signed, and then added "I promise to babysit while you and Hunt have makeup sex."

Day 360:

"This is the last call for all passengers boarding flight 217 from Boston to Seattle." The attendants voice resonated throughout the entry gate. Cristina and Minka rushed to make it before the doors closed which was hard to do when dealing with a baby and a bunch of luggage.

"Wait, one minute!" Cristina yelled as she reached the gate that was due to close any second.

"You just made it." The chipper red-head proclaimed as she scanned the tickets and smiled at the cute baby that rested on Cristina's hip.

"Thank God." Minka proclaimed, "I can't believe that baseball player collapsed during practice in Seattle, the place where you are from." She marveled at the coincidence. "And he is at the hospital where you used to work,.. its crazy I tell you." She spoke in her thick Russian accent and didn't neglect to add her infamous hand-gestures.

"Well, I was suppose to attend this game anyway, he gave me tickets to the Mariners v. Boston game months ago, I was gonna give them to my friend, I definitely didn't plan on going back but this patient is important and Harper Avery insisted I go and attend to him."


	7. I'm Coming Home

Meredith was making her way to the attendings lounge, she was exhausted from her long and torturous night up with Bailey, who didn't let her get a wink of sleep given the fact that he had contracted the flu. She wanted nothing more then to put her feet up for a minute and grab a bite to eat while she could, she was on call and wanted to take full advantage of the unusually slow night at the hospital. She had just made herself comfortable on the couch, with her feet resting on the coffee table and hurriedly unwrapping the snickers bar she pulled out of her lab coat. She took a big bite and sighed in contentment.

How could we ever think of having another baby? she thought. The thought made her want to run screaming in the opposite direction whenever Derek made his way towards her. She had been avoiding him a little bit ever since he made a comment about adding to their family, she was not thrilled that he had even considered the topic. After all, he wasn't the one who would be forced to carry the baby for nine months and then push it out his penis, not to mention he conveniently slept through the babies cries every night, yet he was the one who was exhausted. Men. She thought, God, they are aggravating.

Though he had stepped back to let her shine and work on her clinical trail, which made her love him even more, she was just not ready to consider having another kid, they had one of each anyway, that should be good enough for now, plus she wanted to concentrate on proving Cristina wrong, that she could be just as good if not better then her, and still do it with a baby on each arm. She was on a mission, and getting pregnant again would only set her back a couple steps. In a sense she was kind of thankful to Cristina, even if she had the most ruthless and insensitive ways of pointing out her flaws and mistakes; her criticism only pushed her to do better and be better. She just had wished that Cristina could find a less blunt and back-stabbing way to voice her opinions, and also to encourage her and have her back like she had hers time and time again.

She had to admit, as much hate as she had towards her these days, she did miss her tremendously, she missed grown up adult conversations and she missed having someone around who knew her inside out, she tried to find a replacement for her, but nobody was good enough to take her place, nobody could ever be her Cristina. At one point in their friendship she truly believed that even though she loved Derek very much, and Cristina loved Owen, the true love story, the one that was the purest and would outlast time, was the love story between them two, Meredith and Cristina- twisted sisters- and soul mates. Because in all honesty boys could come and go but them two, they were forever. Or she used to think at least.

Meredith let out a loud growl when her pager started going off feverishly and snapped her out of her thoughts. So much for having a couple minutes to myself, she thought. She quickly swallowed the last of her chocolate bar and got up to to attend to the 911 page that Owen had sent her.

Owen had just got the call that a VIP patient was being rushed in the hospital. He was notified that it was a very important sportsman, Brady McGuire, a player for the Boston Red Sox, he had heard his name before in then news when he was crowned the Triple Crown, but didn't know too much about him since Owen was a Seattle Mariners fan through and through. For some reason the city that Brady played for didn't resonate with him, that tidbit went in one ear and out the other. The player had collapsed at practice after trying to steal third base and inadvertently also slipped and fractured his leg, his whole team and coaches were in a frantic frenzy. Owen made sure to page who he felt was most worthy of taking care of a patient of this caliber, so without a second thought he summoned Meredith and Callie.

All three made their way to the ambulance bay as Owen filled them in on the situation. He made sure to emphasize discreetness and to ensure this patient get the best care possible at their hospital. The ambulance was two minutes out, but before they knew it it was descending to the entrance. A man who looked like the coach stepped out of the ambulance right before the paramedics ushered the patient towards the hospital.

"He was fine all practice until towards the end, he just froze and collapsed mid-run, I think he might of hurt his ankle." The coach said to Meredith while Owen talked to the paramedics and Callie examined his ankle.

"Don't worry, we will find out what's wrong and take care of him, he is in good hands coach." Owen yelled as he guided the gurney into the ER. The coach made sure to follow right behind with worry written all over his place.

"I'm sure you guys are great doctors over here, but this is my star player, I called his personal doctor and she's on her way from Boston as we speak." He said hurriedly

"She doesn't have to make the trip to Seattle, I assure you that we are one of the best facilities that he could of ended up in." Owen said, the irritation evident in his voice. What was it with these celebrities and athletes that made them think they were superior to everyone else, Owen thought.

"She's been monitoring his heart condition for the better part of a year, she knows him inside and out, and he would want her here." Owen could tell that the coach wasn't trying to step on his toes, he was just conceded about his all-star player's health and the future of the team.

Giving a sigh of defeat, Owen nodded.

* * *

She tried to deny it, but she knew in her heart of hearts that she would walk through these doors again, one day, she just had anticipated it to be later rather than sooner. It felt like yesterday when she had last walked out from the hospital and walked away from her life in Seattle. In reality it had only been a year, a year didn't seem like such a long time, but a lot had happened in that year. She had thought that her stint in Mayo had changed her, had breathed new life into her, had made her a better person, the truth of it was, it only bared a small layer of skin, but her time in Boston had seemed to shed her bare to the bone and then forced her to grow a whole new self, she stripped away all her demons and transgressions and then she began to build her person again. She had been such a difficult and complex person her whole life, she didn't change, she was still Cristina, she just evolved. Like a snake that sheds its old skin to make way for the new, Cristina had essentially done the same.

A driver awaited for them to land and then they quickly made their way to the car, they had no choice but to get off the plane and make their way to the hospital, this was an emergency case and had to be dealt with immediately. The world series was a couple days away, and the fate of the championship and the star player was in the hands of Cristina. They made the trip from airport to hospital in record time, Cristina carried Teagan inside the hospital with Minka by the side. She quickly made her way to the day care center that was set up in the hospital and ushered Minka in.

"Okay." Cristina turned to face Minka, completely frazzled and out of breath from the hurried pace they had jogged to get to the day care. She gave Teagan a kiss on the cheek and forehead and handed the baby to Minka. "You stay here, I will be probably be on the third floor, if you need anything just text or call me." She shouted as she hurriedly made her way out the room. Minka held the baby and started rocking her back and forth while she started to sob at the realization that Cristina was no longer holding her.

* * *

Cristina made her way through the hospital trying to find a familiar face, she needed scrubs and she needed the room number to where her patient was being treated. She glanced around the hospital, which seemed unusually slower then what she remembered but she could not spot any of her old colleagues. She let out a sigh of frustration and started making her way to the old locker room, she was just about to walk in when she heard a voice yell out behind her.

"Cristina Yang, are my eyes deceiving me, or are you here in the flesh?" Bailey's shriek resonated throughout the empty hallway, the disbelief and surprise evident in her voice. Cristina released the hold she had on the door knob and turned to face Bailey. She stood there for a minute contemplating what she should do, she wanted to run up to her and give her a hug, this woman was more then just her supervisor, she was closer to a mother then even Helen was. Her contemplating was interrupted when Bailey decided the course of action.

"Well, don't just stand there Yang, its only been a year, you couldn't of forgotten me that quick." She said with a smile starting to crack at the corner of her lips. Cristina let out a sigh and quickly walked over to Miranda and wrapped her arms around her. "I could never forget you Dr. Bailey, even though all your babies are grown up, we will never forget you." She tried to keep an even voice but it was beginning to be too hard. This reunion was hard, and it was only the tip of the iceberg, she didn't know if she was ready to face the people of this hospital, the unconventional family dynamic that they had created made things so much harder and complicated. These people weren't just co-workers, they had become so much more, and yet they had been pushed so far away.

"I know you missed me, but let go of me now." Bailey said laughing, "I wanna look at you." They broke from their embrace as Miranda examined Cristina, "you look different Cristina, you have made me so proud, you did good." Was Bailey on the verge of tears?. Cristina thought, but Miranda quickly composed herself again, "What are you doing here? Are you coming back?" Her voice was hopeful.

"No, not permanently, one of my patients from Boston was admitted to the hospital, I got on a plane and rushed to get here, He is a Boston Red Sox player and is in Seattle for the World Series." Cristina momentarily wondered if she could ever come back here permanently, she dismissed the thought when Owen and the new family she was sure he had started forming came into her mind.

"Oh my god." Bailey said in surprise as the realization hit her, "your talking about the VIP patient that was just admitted, nobody would tell who who he was. "Well, thats probably him, I need to change into scrubs Dr. Bailey, can you find me a pair?" She asked.

"Of course, C'mon, lets get you dressed and changed." Bailey responded as she guided Cristina in the locker room to change. "Cristina, we have missed you so much, especially Owen and Meredith, they were a wreck when you left, but hopefully you can mend your relationships with them." Cristina wanted to believe what Miranda said, but she just couldn't escape the hurt she felt the months before she departed, both Meredith and Owen had treated her like she was a ghost, non-existent, they had moved on way before she decided to move on, and move across the country. "I'm sure that they've forgotten about my existence, we were already broken way before I left.' She answered as they both ushered out the room. Cristina looked down at herself with her dark blue scrubs and white lab coat, Bailey noticed and said, "Looks like you never left Yang."

* * *

"Owen!" Emma called out when she noticed him going into the VIP area. He turned around with his iPad in hand.

"Hey, sorry, I don't have time to talk, this patients personal doctor is on her way and I need to educate myself on his case and prior medical history so I look informed and this hospital looks worthy enough to treat this hotshot." Owen answered as he continued to walk in determination with Emma right on her heels.

"I'm sure you'll do fine, your not the Chief for no reason." She gave him a longing smile, "I just wanted to ask if you would like to have dinner tonight." They stopped walking and he turned to directly face her.

"I'm not sure when I will be outta here tonight, I think I might need to stay and monitor the patient and keep his personal doctor company." He sighed when he saw the look of disappointment in her voice, though they had taken a break, due to her insistence, he felt bad for turning her down when she was trying to mend their relationship. "Maybe another time, this patient is really important." He gave her an apologetic look and wrinkled his eyebrow's. "Another time then." She smiled and turned around to walk the other direction. She turned her head while walking in hopes of meeting his eyes, to no avail, he had already left and was walking into another hallway.


	8. Its Been A While

** Thank you all for the reviews, I don't know what you will think of this chapter, I wanted it to be a big huge ordeal when they finally saw each other again, but it became more realistic as I wrote it, Owen couldn't make a huge gesture to get her back since he didn't know she was coming and Cristina thinks their ship has sailed and still hold resentment towards him for how he treated her before she left. This is my attempt at a first reaction from seeing one another after a year of being apart, I wanted to stay close to character but still couldn't resist adding my own interpretation of Owen and Cristina's feelings. Tell me if you like it or hate it, or if I should re-write it. Again, thanks for reviewing! also the more dramatic confrontation will be in the next chapter. **

Cristina made her way around Grey-Sloan Memorial hospital in search of the room her patient was admitted into, she couldn't put her finger on what it was, maybe the familiarity with the atmosphere, maybe it was the rush of being back after a year long absence, maybe it was the deja vu she was experiencing, remembering her seven years spent inside these walls, whatever it was, it gave her a rush she hadn't known she lost in Boston, for a split second, it felt like she had never left, like she had been here all along, like she hadn't missed anything. That small feeling of comfortableness quickly diminished when she finally reached the patients room.

Her breath caught in her throat while she fought to steady the pounding in her chest, her quick and efficient footsteps came to a halt when she caught sight of him. This was not a drunken illusion, he wasn't appearing in her dreams or haunting her apartment because right now she was sober, and she only let herself think about him when her judgment was severely impaired. There he stood, looking as handsome as ever, with his golden hair and his piercing blue eyes, he hadn't changed a bit, if anything he looked even more masculine and stood with an era of arrogance, he looked so sure of himself and she loved that about him. Her eyes glazed over his body and an overwhelming nostalgic feeling crept up the back of her spine, he looked harder, more muscular, it reminded her of their first meeting, the strong military major who shut the blinds and kissed his damsel in distress.

Why is it that after all these years, after all the hurt and anger and resentment, he still could make her knees go weak? Cristina thought that by running away and leaving the past behind that it would help mend and heal the bruises, that the hole in her heart would slowly but surly fill up. Seeing him again, reaffirmed to her that it was not easy, and it would never be easy because as hard as she tried not to, she couldn't help but love him, and she chastised herself for it. Right in this moment she wanted to run into his arms and hold him as close as they could physically get and never let go, she shook her head in disgust with herself, quickly reminding her brain and heart that he was not hers anymore, he belonged to someone else.

She stood outside the door for what seemed like forever, trying to find the gull to enter the room and act professional. She wished that she wouldn't have spotted his figure so abruptly, she had hoped she wouldn't of noticed until she got into the room and started examining the patient. It would of been so much easier to deal with their reunion if she was already occupied in taking care of Brady, or if he had entered the room after her. But as soon as she turned the corner and as soon as her eyes fixated on the entry to his room, her eyes immediately fixated on Owen. Who was she kidding, she would of spotted him in a crowd full of people, there was no going back now. She wished she would of thought this through, a dialogue should of been rehearsed in her head and she should of prepared for the first interaction with him, but she hadn't, things had transpired so quickly that she had no time to devise a plan and follow through with it, now she was forced to improvise.

She vaguely heard footsteps behind her and was startled out of her thoughts when someone called out her name.

"Dr. Yang, Oh, thank God your here." The man ran up behind her and gave her a big bear hug.

"Coach Santiago, nice to see you, even though its under these circumstances." Cristina reciprocated the hug, and gave him a pat on the shoulder.

"I know, I know, but at least we have you here to fix Brady up, he's heavily sedated right now so he's not saying much if you know what I mean." He shoulder-checked Cristina playfully, then in a more serious tone, he added, "Thank you so much for flying all the way to Seattle." He was clearly relieved to see Cristina at the hospital to attend to his most promising player.

"Of course I came, he's my star patient." Cristina smiled warmly while adjusting her lab coat.

Owen was updating the patients chart and monitoring his heart rate, trying his best to attend to this very important baseball player when he thought he heard someone yell out her name. No it couldn't be, he thought. He let out a ragged breath and tried to steady his nerves but his heart was beating a mile a minute. He felt his palms begin to moisten and literally jumped out his own body when he heard her voice, it was sweeter then he had remembered, and in that moment it was music to his ears. He thought he was hallucinating her presence again, and shut his eyes tight and took a deep breath as if to bring him back to reality. Too bad he didn't prepare for the sight that he would be confronted with when he opened them again.

He heard two sets of foot steps entering the room, he clasped the file so hard that his knuckles turned white, he slowly opened his eyes and turned around from facing the monitor and looked over his shoulder. Thats when his eyes finally met hers, two sharp intakes of breath could be heard simultaneously and the world stood still as they soaked each other up, neither breaking eye contact, and both trying communicate through a look, the feelings that they couldn't express through words.

"Cristina?" His voice cracked and his brows furrowed, clearly still in disbelief, Owen needed reassurance that she was in front of him, in the flesh.

She cleared her throat, and tried desperately to find her voice, "Owen." she whispered, it was barley audible, and she wondered if he had even heard her, her stomach was doing flips and her insides felt like they were on a roller coaster. She shook her head and tried to regain her composure.

"I-, I mean, Chief Hunt, sorry sir." She apologized for using his first name and mentally kicked herself for doing so. She gave him the better part of five years and she deserved to be on a first name basis with him even though they no longer spoke.

The shock of seeing her again was overshadowed when he caught on that she felt obligated to use his formal name, had they drifted so far apart, and had their memories together decimated to her that she couldn't find comfort in calling him by his first name? Surly she couldn't have erased all their years together, the good, the bad and the ugly, he wouldn't take back a single moment he had spent with her, he only wished that their time together would of never ended, and that she was still his Cristina.

"Cristina," The tone in his voice broke her heart, his eyes were pleading with her and his face conveyed a hurtfulness that she was not ready to face nor accept its existence.

"Please don't refer to me by my formal name, and please don't tell me that you forgot what we once meant to each other, I deserve more then that." I know you do, is what she wanted to say, but old habits die hard and she was still stubborn and still held a grudge over the circumstances leading up to her departure.

She nodded, "Owen,"

"So you two know each other?" Coach Santiago chimed in with his heavy Boston accent and raised his eyebrows in curiosity. Cristina and Owen both looked at each other before nodding slowly.

"We used to work together, I did my internship, residency and fellowship here." Cristina added while she fidgeted her weight on each side of her body uncomfortably. She didn't want to give the coach a book report of their past life together, but she felt a twinge of guilt when she saw the disappointment close Owen's face.

Owen was hurt by the way she brushed off the question and tried to mask his pain but couldn't stop his mouth from adding, "Well, we used to do a lot more then just work together." He raised his eyebrows to emphasize his point.

"Awww, so you two have history, what like a secret office affair?" He grinned ear to ear and nodded as if he'd cracked the code. "That explains the looks you two have been giving each other, the tension in this room is so thick that you could cut it with a knife."

Cristina turned her head and finally broke eye contact with Owen, she shrugged her shoulders and sheepishly said, "No, it wasn't like that, he's actually my ex-husband."

He gasped in surprise and now it was his turn to shake his head as he crossed his arms around his chest, "Well, I certainly don't stare at my ex-wife all longingly and intensely like you two have been staring at each other, I would tell ya to get a room, but since you're not together, that'd be a tad bit inappropriate…." His statement was cut short when Owen's pager started going off and made the three of them jump in surprise.

"Just because people get divorced doesn't mean that they stop loving each other...", Owen started, then let out a sigh,

"Oh, crap, I-, I gotta go, trauma coming in, multiple crush injuries, they need all hands on deck." He stammered clearly irritated that he had to leave the room, he looked up into her eyes again and suddenly he couldn't find the strength to move. She noticed his hesitation and as much as she hated to admit it, it was a relief to know she still had some power over him and he still wanted to be in her presence.

"Its Okay, Go ahead, I'll be fine, It hasn't been that long, I still know my way around." Cristina urged him to go and attend to the patients in the pit, even though she much rather would of spent more time with him. He gave her nod and ushered his way towards the door, but not before stopping right in front of her and taking hold of her forearm, as luck would have it, his small gesture gave both of them a little static shock, the mere feel of him, even though modest and light, had her heart racing. He looked her dead in the eyes, with his signature stare that made her knees go weak and lightly whispered, "This is not over, Please, this can't be it, promise me we will talk." I'll do anything you ask, God, the way his eyes pleaded with hers was heart breaking.

She released his hold on her arms and lightly brushed her finger against his before uttering, "Okay."

"Good because Im not against flying to Boston and tracking you down, so don't hide from me." He had inched his face closer to her and she could feel his hot breath lingering on her neck, his eyes diverted from holding her gaze to fixated on her lips before he gave her another once over and reluctantly turned to leave. Cristina watched as he descended down the hallway and couldn't will herself to look away which made her cheeks turn a few shades of red when he turned over his shoulder to once again meet her gaze with a twinkle in his eye and a smile creeping on the sides of his face, he turned his head forward before he let her see it.


	9. I Can't Stop Loving You

Cristina was exhausted, she hadn't had a wink of sleep for at least 48 hours now, the past few days had been so hectic and busy that she was mentally and physically strained, she felt like she was intoxicated, and she was finding it difficult to think or act in a normal way. The trip from Boston to Seattle and not being able to stop at Alex's to settle in or take a breather was hard enough but then to come straight from the airport to the hospital had sent her over the edge especially since she had a second person to worry about nowadays.

Brady was stable but needed to be monitored constantly, he was a fighter but was overworking his body and heart, he rushed into the game before he was ready to do so, the strenuous physical activities that he was performing during practice and a poor diet had caused his progress to slow down, Cristina needed to make sure that he rested enough and was in tip top shape before he attempted to take up baseball again, she had warned him countless times to give his body time to heal and recuperate but he mistakingly took his good fortune and recovery for granted and now he was back in the state at which he started.

She left his hospital room with the coach, he had insisted he buy her dinner or at least a drink, she asked for a rain check since she was too tired to be bothered with small talk, and had to check on Teagan and Minka. She was making her way around the hospital when she noticed Owen on his iPad at the nurses station and her heart sunk when she realized who the women he was talking to was.

Emma looked lovingly into his eyes and she had her hand on his forearm, lightly massaging it up and down his arm. He smiled at her and Cristina instantly felt the wind knocked right out of her. Even though Alex said that Owen and Emma were on a break, it was clear to Cristina that Emma still wanted Owen and Owen seemed to lie the attention that Emma gave him, this is precisely precisely the reason Cristina left, she couldn't handle seeing him with someone else other than her, and now she was forced to take in the sight of him and another women again, and she was back to share one, feeling as incomplete as ever. She saw him turn and look at her straight in the eyes, she panicked and turned away as quickly as she could.

* * *

"Have you eaten dinner yet?" Emma asked as she approached Owen and placed a chart onto the counter by the nurses station and began aimlessly filling it out.

Owen was fidgeting with his iPad, well actually he was googling Cristina's name, he had basically stalked her the first couple of months she left Seattle through the internet but he had stopped when he realized that it was becoming severely stalker-ish and that it hindered his ability to concentrate on work and move on. But here he was again, trying to find out what he had missed the past nine months. Emma's voice made him jump up in surprise, and he tried to quickly exit out of the google search engine that was displayed on the screen, he had hoped that Emma didn't see anything.

She let out a sigh and gave him a clearly frustrated look, "Dinner, it comes after breakfast and lunch, for god's sake Owen, Why are you searching Cristina Yang," Owen flinched, guess he wasn't quick enough. "its been a year, I know when she left that you told me you had to break up with me because you still loved her, but she's gone, and she's not coming back, and I know I should have more self-respect and pride for myself because you basically chose her over me, but I care about you, and this is crazy, you need to move on." She exclaimed, "She's gone."

He looked at Emma and wished that he would of never led her on or embarked on a relationship with her, well, if he was wishing for things then he wished that he would of been able to move on and find happiness with Emma, life would of been so simple and uncomplicated, but then again, one of the characteristics he adored and loved most about Cristina was that she was a challenging person and gave him a run for his money, there was never a dull moment, just passion, and that was absent from his relationship with Emma.

He cleared his throat and averted his eyes, "She was gone, but now she's back, she's the doctor they called in from Boston for the VIP patient." He stated

Emma scoffed and let out a sarcastic laugh, "Of course she is," She stated, "And what now Owen?, so your gonna go and try to win her back, make her wanna stay in Seattle?" She tried hard to keep her composure but she was fighting back tears and the urge to make a scene.

"Emma, I never meant to hurt you, you have to believe me," His eyes pleaded with hers, "I also never meant to lie to you, but I not only lied to you, but I tried to lie to myself, I wanted to move on so bad that I convinced myself that I was over her, but I wasn't, and when she decided to leave, everything came tumbling down on me like a ton of bricks, all those feeling I tried to push away came right back to the surface and I wanted nothing more then to stop her from leaving. You are a wonderful women, and I wish that you could be enough for me, I really do, but I can't be with you knowing that I could never put you first, because if we got married and even had a kid, if Cristina came back into my life and asked to be with me, I would leave you in a heart beat, because she's it for me, and thats not fair to you, you deserve better, you deserve a man who won't spend his whole life pining over another woman," He took in a deep breath a looked away momentarily before making eye contact again, "And I deserve Cristina."

Emma was trying to register his words and held back tears as the realization hit her, she would never be enough for Owen, she might have all the qualities that any man could ask for, but with all the she had to offer, the one thing she could never be was Cristina, and thats who Owen wanted, and she had to accept it because she believed she deserved better as well. She didn't want to be someones second choice, or the safe bet, she wanted to mean everything to someone and be at the top of their list, not because of convenience or what was easy, but because it was right and unmistakable. Cristina and Owen would of still been together if Cristina hadn't initiated the break-up, she should of known right then and there that this was a lost cause.

She took her hand and rested it on his forearm and gave it a reassuring squeeze, "Your right, I deserve someone who loves me like you love her, I just wish I didn't fall so hard for you, but nonetheless I hope you find your happiness Owen."

He gave her a faint smile, "No hard feelings?" He asked

She lightly shook her head and brushed her hand up and down his arm in reassurance, "No hard feelings, I wish you only the best." He nodded at her and gave her one last smile before he got ready to walk away and find Cristina.

Owen turned his head slightly and he sensed her presence instantly, he was about to open his mouth to say something but Cristina broke eye contact and hurriedly tuned away and walked in another direction.

God dammit, he thought, as he realized how the interaction between Emma and him could of been viewed as intimate, which is exactly how he imagined Cristina taking it as.

* * *

He searched for her everywhere but couldn't find where she had escaped to for the life of him, he was running out of places to look when he realized that he hadn't checked the boiler room, the infamous vent, their secret place, he really doubted that he would find her there, the sentimental value of that location was probably lost to her, but he found refuge there quite often, even with Cristina'a absence, spending time in there not only cleared his head but also made him feel closer to her.

Lo and behold, as soon as he opened the doors he was greeted with the vision of Cristina standing right over the vent as a huge gush of wind sent her wild curls flying everywhere. She tried unsuccessfully to tame her mane, while her eyes were closed tightly shut.

He took a few steps in and waited for her eyes to open and her to notice his presence. After a few moments she jolted up in surprise and turned her head away from him.

"What are you doing here?, shouldn't you be going on a dinner date with your girlfriend or something?" She asked, her tone neutral and dry, with no resemblance of emotion.

"She's not my girlfriend Cristina, we broke up the day you decided to leave Seattle." He stated as he moved closer to her, until he stood in front of her, waiting for another gush of wind to blast through the vent.

"I'm sure you two made up afterwards, it couldn't of left you off in a bad place, me leaving the equation probably made life a lot less complicated for the two of you."

He scoffed at her, "Yeah, you leaving made my life so much better." He stated in a bitter voice.

"I bet it did, so you and emma?" She asked, "Still going strong I see, I guess my absence left you and her in a good place.'

His anger and frustration with her was growing by the minute, why couldn't she see what everyone else saw, why couldn't she realize that he regretted letting her go, that he regretted listening to her when she asked him to move on.

"Where do you think that left me and Emma?, are you bullshitting me Cristina, I did everything but fly myself out to Boston and beg you to come home, did you even listen to any of my voicemails?", His voice cracked and his jaw tightened in an attempt to keep from completely losing control of his emotions. "I laid my life out for you, I was willing to give everything I had to you, I told you that you were enough, that I would be happy with just you, I was in another goddamn relationship and I still chose you at the drop of a hat, I didn't even think twice about it, and I didn't even care if I hurt Emma, because I didn't want to lose you and I didn't think I could live without you." He finished as he ran his hands through his hair and began pacing from side to side. His face was pained and he struggled to find his wording through the rage that was tipping to the surface each second that passed by.

"But here I'am" He extended both his arms and motioned them across his body, "Here I'am, and I'm breathing, and I'm working, and I get by, day by day, I get by." He stopped just short of a couple inches from where she stood.

Cristina looked at him intensely and tried to make sense of the words spilling from his mouth. She hadn't seen him this riled up since the time he had shouted to her that she had killed his baby. His eyes spoke volumes to her, more so than any combination of words, she could read him like a book, still, after all the pain and anguish they caused one another in the past, they still couldn't let go of the unmistakable bond they shared that wouldn't decimate, not with time nor with struggle.

It was so hard for her to concentrate on what he was saying when he was occupying her personal space. She could feel his breath tickle her lips and it sent a shiver up her spine which in turn clouded her judgment.

"The only problem is that I only get by, I'm physically here, but I'm not living anymore, I'm just existing, and thats how I know that you were the one, that your still the one, because I haven't felt alive since the day you walked out of my life." His rage infested voice had simmered down to a whisper, his breathing ragged and his eyes pleading with her to see him. To feel the emotions running through his body and mirror them in her own eyes, to let him know that they weren't a lost cause and that they belonged together, right or wrong, even if they did want different things, when two people have a connection this deep, they do whatever it takes to make it work because giving up isn't an option. He pleaded with her not to lose sight of whats real, and searched for a glimmer of hope within her own eyes that would let him know that she still loved him.

Cristina didn't realize she was holding her breath until she tried to formulate words, "So…, what happened between you two after I left?" God, she hated herself for caring, and couldn't even look him in the eyes for fear of what he might see reflecting back at him. So she stood there uncomfortably and looking away from him.

"She told me not to break her heart…when we first started dating, and the next thing I knew I was running across town to stop you from boarding that plane, and she never once crossed my mind, I had forgotten that she even existed let alone that I was dating her, I was acting on impulse and fear alone." Owen took his hand and lightly traced her jawline before turning her head to face him, forcing her to look deep into his eyes.

"I thought that time would make me move on, I wanted nothing more then to leave the past in the past and find someone to build a future with, but all it takes is one visit from you and I'm right back where I started and those feelings that I tried so hard to push away, they're already at the surface," He paused for a minute and looked away trying to hold back the emotion that was evident in his voice. He wanted to put into words and make her understand the magnitude of his love for her but somehow words couldn't articulate what he was feeling.

"All it took was to hear your voice again, the sheer joy that it brought me, its pathetic actually, I'm pathetic, I should be able to act like a typical guy and push feeling aside, I tried so hard and it felt like it was working, until you left, and a huge part of me died that day."

He felt emotionally drained, the past year had been a blur to him, it was a cross between heaven and hell, like he resided in purgatory, and that was worse, not knowing where his future laid, not knowing what was to come, he had gotten so good at lying to himself and trying to envision a future with Emma, that it actually might have been feasible if Cristina hadn't dropped the bombshell that she was leaving, forever. In that moment something slapped him in the face and brought him back to reality, and the feeling that ensued knowing she was gone and he was too late to stop it, that ruined him, and ruined his chances of happiness with anyone else, it reaffirmed his previous statements, Cristina was the love of his life and he would never, ever love another women to the magnitude that he loved her, so how could he expect someone to settle being second best in his heart?

He growled in agitation as his pager went off, "Please, just meet me halfway, I'm begging you Cristina." He said before he was forced to leave, a slow smile crept on her face, "This feels like deja vu," She called out, and waited for him to form the recollection, he smirked at her and before leaving, he repeated the words she had once spoken to him, "Can you still not breath without me Cristina Yang?" He asked with raised eye brows and a hopeful grin but didn't wait for a response.


	10. Star-Crossed Lovers

Meredith was frantically searching for Owen and/or Callie, the hospital rumor mill was on over drive and she needed to get answers, the whole surgical floor was filled with hushed whispers and chaos as the news of Cristina's visit had reached the whole staff. Meredith needed to know if the rumors were true or if people were seeing a ghost and not Cristina Yang in the flesh.

She spotted Emma coming out of an exam room and quickly made her way toward her.

"Hey, Dr. Marling." She yelled to try to get her attention while she strutted towards Emma, Meredith started walking in her direction and was certain that Emma heard her call out her name but she didn't stop to answer or wait for her, she made herself look busy reading a chart and walking down the hall.

"Emma!" Meredith yelled a little louder as she tried to catch up with Emma who was bluntly ignoring her calls and not stopping to acknowledge her presence.

Meredith finally caught up with her and started walking right beside her.

"I'm busy right now Dr. Grey, I have to check up on my post ops before I scrub in for surgery in an hour." Emma stated while she continued to glance at her chart in between paying attention to the direction she was walking in.

"Have you seen Owen, I really need to talk to him." Meredith was a little out of breath, she felt like she was chasing Dr. Marling through the halls of the hospital.

"Haven't seen him for an hour or so, my guess is that he is somewhere re-aqainting himself with the likes of his ex-wife." She tried to keep her voice indifferent but Meredith could definitely detect a little bitterness in her voice. "Maybe their in an on-call room knocking boots and professing their undying love for one another."

Meredith let out a gasp and stopped at a halt, "Are you serious? So its true then?" She asked in astonishment.

"Serious as a heart attack," Emma stated as she turned to face Meredith. "Which ironically is Dr. Yangs area of expertise." She exclaimed in a sarcastic tone, "Oh, and guess what? I just received the latest copy of the New England Journal of Medicine, guess whose just won her second Harper Avery Award?"

"No way?" Meredith exclaimed, her second one in three years?" All those inadequate and jealousy feelings seeped to the forefront as she was reminded once again that Cristina became what both she and her had set out to be in their intern year, and Meredith became something else completely, a mother and wife and a surgeon second. Cristina dedicated everything she had to being a surgeon, she gave up dreams of white picket fences, big colonial houses and a husband with a baby. She gave up a life outside the hospital in turn for a life dedicated to her craft, her sacrifices were a lot bigger then the ones Meredith made but for some reason Meredith was still insanely jealous of Cristina for sticking to her convictions and turning out to be what they both once worshipped, and just like Cristina had once said to her, Meredith turned out to be the thing they once laughed at. That was a hard pill to swallow when you were the daughter of Ellis Grey and best-friend to a Harper Avery Award winner and a pioneer in Cardiothoratic surgery, how ironic was it that Meredith once mocked Cristina stating that she had an advantage being born with natural talent and others had to practice and work harder for it. But who was laughing now?

Meredith tried to take in the news of Cristina's arrival, she had promised herself that she would never let Cristina get close to her again and had done everything to forget her existence and the importance that she had once served in her life. But the realization that she was somewhere in the near vicinity of where Meredith stood right now made her want to seek her out, if not to reconcile then to give her a piece of her mind and let her know what she had missed out on the past year and how much damage her departure had caused.

"I can't believe she has the nerve to show up at MY hospital after she left without even saying goodbye, I have to find her and give her a piece of my mind." Meredith stated determinately and walked away from Emma clearly irritated and on a mission.

* * *

Meredith finally ran into both Owen and Callie who were frantically trying to save a patients life, she walked in just in time for Owen to call time of death. Both Callie and him looked visibly distressed over the loss of the trauma patient.

"Hey." Meredith said as she walked into the pit and into the trauma room, she wanted to seem sympathetic to her friends after not being able to save the patient but she was too wound up for consoling.

"Owen, is it true?" She asked while furrowing her eye-brows. He looked up from updating the patients chart and looked Meredith directly in the eyes, he didn't answer her verbally but his silence and the long sigh he let out while rubbing the back of his neck let her know that it was 100% true.

"What's true?" Callie asked obliviously.

Owen tried to interject but Meredith beat him to the punch.

"Oh, you didn't hear?" Meredith asked "Cristina's the doctor called in for the VIP patient."

"Cristina?", She exclaimed with raised eye-brows, "Yang?, Cristina Yang?" She shrieked in disbelief. She turned to face Owen in search of questions.

"You both knew she was here and neither of you told me?" She asked, the hurt evident in her voice.

"I just found out." Meredith clarified.

"And I would of told you Callie but we were trying to save this patients life, it was so hectic in here, I was gonna let both of you know as soon as a found a free minute." Owen added as he set the patients chart down and started making his way out the room.

"Hold on Owen." Meredith grabbed him by the forearm. He turned around and gave her a quizzical look, only to be turned into confusion as she tried to speak but was having a hard time articulating her words.

"Listen, I know that you love Cristina, I love Cristina, even after our huge falling out, I will continue to love her, she's a part of me, and she will always hold a place in my heart that nobody else can fill," Meredith started with a conviction in her voice that showed no resemblance to the tears falling down her face.

"But I love you too Owen, and I can't sit back and watch the two of you do the sing along dance that you both have become so accustomed to doing, I know it sucks and I know this world is so cruel and injust, I wish both of you wanted the same things out of life, but the truth is you two might belong together, you are each others soul mates and I know she loves you but she doesn't love you to the extent that you love her, sometimes two people who belong together don't get to actually be together, its a horrible realization and fate, but whats meant to be sometimes cannot be, not without compromise and I don't want you to compromise your dreams for her because she would never put you first, not above her career." The tears were falling from her face more rapidly and she struggled to wipe them away and keep her sniffles and running nose in control.

"Meredith, you don't know whats going on between them, or what might happen in the future, Owen is probably over her by now, i mean its been a year." Callie turned from facing Meredith to get some assurance from Owen. Again, he said nothing.

She ran her hands through her hair as the realization hit her. "Your never gonna be over her are you?" Callie asked sheepishly because she already knew the answer.

Finally Owen let out a breath and began to speak. "I could find somebody, get married and have a family," He shook his head and laughed sarcastically at the irony of the situation. "but how unfair would that be to that woman or those kids, because at the back of my mind I would always be imagining that it was Cristina who was my wife and that it was Cristina's kids that I fathered, how can I move on when I feel like she took everything I have, and now theres nothing left of me to give to someone else?" He asked in a defeated voice, his eyes pleading for some understanding from both women.

"Owen, she cannot give you what you want or need, you are a traditional man, you can try to deny it but its worthless because I know what you want, I see the longing in your eyes when you interact with Zola and bailey and Sofia, you want a baby, you want a conventional family where work is something you come home from not go home to, you want a wife and a baby, you want to come home to a home cooked meal and go to soccer practice and piano recitals. Cristina can never give that to you, do you understand? She hates babies! She will always be what you want but she will never be what you need, and you need to realize that before you both hurt each other again and waste each others time. She is a shark, she is ruthless and she is a genius, and believe it or not I love the both of you but I won't let you compromise you hopes and dreams for someone who will always treat you as second best and put a career over human relations."

"Whoa, whoa, okay Meredith." Callie put her hands up as to stop her from continuing on her tirade. Though everything Meredith said was logical, Callie knew more then anyone else that sometimes you need to defy whats rational and listen to what your heart wants. "We need to be supportive, we love them both but they are grown ass people who can make their own choices and lead with their own convictions, its not our place to tell them how to live their lives Mer."

"Meredith, thank you for caring and having my best interest at heart and expressing your concerns but you need to let me make my own decisions." Owen was replaying the words Meredith had spoken only moments before in his mind as his stomach started to tighten and doubt began to enter his mind again. Damn Meredith for bringing up their previous problems and what caused the rift between him and Cristina.

Meredith let out a huff, if Owen wasn't going to listen to her then she would find Cristina and let her know that she could not waltz back into this hospital and turn it upside down again, she needed to reason with her and make her realize that she needed to leave Owen alone, that him and her couldn't be together. Owen deserved someone who wanted the same things out of life that he wanted, and someone who would put him first above anything and everything, and Cristina was not the person for him. Cristina chose to be alone, and now she had to lie in the bed she made, she would never give Owen the family he so badly desired, she was gonna be alone for the rest of her life, just life she always wanted, and Meredith was going to make sure of that.

She wiped the last few stray tears and blew her nose before making her way out the trauma room to leave Callie and Owen in the room to contemplate what she had said but not before she turned and warned Owen once again, "I won't be here to console you when she breaks you again, and its unfair to her for you to keep pretending that you can change in order to be with her, you will resent her one day, and that will break Cristina." She declared and turned on her heels and walked out the door in search of Dr. Yang herself.

* * *

Cristina had only been in Seattle for three hours but somehow it felt like she had never left, it was an odd sense of contentment that she had not felt for the past year, the familiarity with the city and the hospital and of course the people who she left behind gave her a sense of solace that she had not felt since she decided to resign and leave this chapter of her life behind.

Being here, even for a mere couple hours was making it hard for her to come to terms with the fact that she had to go back to Boston and resume work at Mass Gen. instead, this was the place that had once offered her so much and given her the opportunity to train to be the best doctor that she could, her heart was heavy and revisiting the hospital only made matters worse.

She had been texting Minka back and forth to make sure that Teagan was safe and comfortable, she was gonna go and check on both of them right after she found Alex, she had no time to visit him as of yet and she hadn't even been to his house to drop off her luggage. She had let him know that she was in the hospital but he texted her back that he was in an emergency peds surgery and would be out shortly, he was so excited to see Teagan again, the little girl had become fascinated by the only male presence she had in her life and Alex treated her life she was his own.

Cristina was standing by the nurses station when she noticed Meredith Grey looking around frantically, she was obviously in search of someone.


	11. Tell Me It Isn't True

** Sorry its so short but I needed to get this scene out the way and then start forming the rest of the story and the ending. **

Meredith stopped in her tracks when her eyes fixated on Cristina, it had only been a year since she had last seen her, but that year had felt like a decade, especially since the two of them were the twisted sisters, and were once, not so long ago, joined at the hip. They made eye contact but neither of them were able to move, Meredith stood down the hall and Cristina remained standing at the nurses station facing Meredith's way.

They was so much that could of been said, but in that moment they needed to take each other in, and the realization that this moment had the potential to be monumental in their reunion and the future of their friendship was not lost on neither of them. For some unknown reason there was a mutual understanding, a mutual longing for each other, and they were able to emit those feelings to each other without words, their eyes communicated what their mouths could not, that they missed each other and that life wasn't the same without the other.

Before either of them could move or verbally acknowledge the other, a wailing cry echoed throughout the surgical floor and the sound kept getting closer and closer. Both Meredith and Cristina flinched at the sound of a baby sobbing.

Owen was walking next to Emma who was explaining a peds case that she needed Owen to sign off on and they were both making their way around the corner and subsequently heading towards the nurses station when their conversation was interrupted by the same loud cry that was echoing throughout the hospital. Meredith, Owen and Emma all stood in shock as the scene in front of them progressed.

Cristina turned around quickly and knew instantly that the exaggerated cries were her own daughters, they were the crocodile tears that she would let fall when she went without seeing Cristina for a long time or missed being held in her mothers arms. She was becoming excessively clingy as she was getting a little older. It saddened Cristina that Teagan was already four months old, she sometimes wished she could stop time and stop the baby from growing up so fast.

She turned around and saw a frantic Minka holding Teagan in her arms and trying to calm her down as best she could. Cristina closed up her patients chart and clicked her pen closed and slid it in the pocket of her lab coat while making her way to the two of them.

"Hey there now," Cristina cooed in what almost sounded like baby talk…almost but not quite. In her most calming and soothing voice she added, "I told you to be a good girl while I was working, I haven't even been gone a whole work day and your putting up a fuss."

"Awww, the poor baby girl just misses her mommy, I tried to walk her around the hospital to calm her down but she kept looking around trying to spot you, after she couldn't locate you, she got very aggravated." Minka declared while she handed over the baby to Cristina. Teagan immediately quieted down at the sound of her mothers voice and when she was securely held in Cristina's embrace she let out a satisfied sigh and a little laugh.

"See, theres nothing like a mothers touch!" Minka exclaimed in her heavy accent and smiled broadly at the sight of the mother and daughter duo.

Owen's breath caught in his throat at the sight of Cristina holding the most beautiful baby girl he had ever seen, he watched her coddle her and whisper reassuring and loving words in the baby's ear in between showering the infant with light kisses all over her face. The sight was heart warming and heart breaking at the same time, he was so infatuated with the scene in front of him, one that he had imagined happening only in his dreams, one in which he was standing right beside his baby and Cristina and completed the picturesque family portrait. He thought that he had never seen a more beautiful sight in his life, his emotions were running wild as his heart swelled.

The feeling of contentment and finally being able to realize a dream, a fantasy, come true were short lived when he realized that it wasn't his baby, that Cristina had a baby, but had it with another man, that she killed their baby together but decided to keep another mans baby. The swell in his heart turned into an ache so unbearable and heavy that he found it hard to breathe.

"Is that my goddaughter throwing a hissy-fit?" Alex asked rounding a corner, "She must take after her mother." He teased while while motioning for Cristina to hand over Teagan, "C'mon baby bear, come to uncle Alex." he said in a very overzealous voice. But before Cristina could hand him over the baby, a very shell shocked Meredith spoke up, "You have a baby?" She practically yelled in shock.

Cristina flinched for the second time, she had been so worried about Teagan that she had forgotten that Meredith was standing across the hall and in full view and ear shot of Cristina and Minka. She tried to formulate some kind of response but her words were halted when she caught Owen's gaze which mirrored the same look as Meredith's. He was shell-shocked, mouth agape and frozen in his tracks.

His eyes searched hers and pleaded for any explanation that did not include Cristina revealing that the baby was actually hers. She took a deep breath before talking, "Owen, I can explain…." She started before he cut her off, "You have a baby?" He asked in bewilderment, the hurt and anger so evident that it cut her like a knife.

"So it wasn't about you NEVER wanting a baby, you just didn't want to have MY baby?" He asked in a defeated tone, his anger was rising but the hurt was more prevalent, he couldn't stand to look at Cristina or her love child with another man a second longer, he shook his head and tried to keep his emotions at bay before abruptly turning on his heel and leaving her standing there holding baby Teagan.

"Owen!" She yelled at him but he made himself scarce quickly. Cristina turned to Alex and handed him the baby, and looked at Meredith and said, "This is Teagan, she is my daughter, Alex is her Godfather, and she is your Goddaughter, you should get to know her," She said hurriedly before chasing after Owen, "And, no, I would never have another man's baby, Alex will tell you all about it."

* * *

Meredith turned to face Alex and acknowledged Minka for the first time.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Meredith Grey." She stated while reaching out for the older women's hand.

"Pleased to finally meet you Mer, I'm Minka, the nanny, housekeeper, chef and proud grandma." She proclaimed.

Meredith wrinkled her forehead and raised her eyebrows, "Pleased to finally meet me?" She asked, "Oh, yes, your half of the twisted sisters right? Cristina tells Teagan about you all the time, she doesn't like the traditional bedtime stories so she tells her tales that happened to the two of you when she worked here." Minka clarified.

For some reason that statement made Meredith very happy and made her question if the twisted sister friendship was really a lost cause, or if they could actually work it out and become as close as they once were, especially now that Cristina had a baby, Zola and Bailey would love to have another baby in their lives.

"So, are you the fathers mother?" Meredith asked trying to figure out the whole situation without making it obvious that she was prying.

"Oh, No," Minka said shaking her head, "There is no father, just a handsome Godfather over here." She smiled at Alex holding baby Teagan and pinched his cheek.

"Okay, I can't take this anymore!" Meredith exclaimed, "I need answers, I need to know how the Cristina Yang, I once knew, decided she wanted a baby and how she ended up having one with no man." She literally jumped up and down out of aggravation and ill-attempt of trying to keep calm and coy.

"Okay, Okay." Alex said while bouncing the baby up and down against his chest as she was starting to miss her mom again. "Well it started when this patient came into the ER..."


	12. Hold You In My Arms

She caught sight of him rounding a corner, she yelled his name again but he didn't stop. She quickened her pace as much as she could, running out of breath and stamina right before she got close enough to grab him by the forearm and used all her force to turn him around to face her. "Owen, please let me explain." She pleaded.

He scoffed at her, " Theres no need to explain anything, your actions speak volumes."

He swigged his arm in the air trying to release her hold on him and refusing to meet her gaze. He was must stronger then her and wasn't afraid to roughhouse with her, his anger and hurt overshadowing any thought that he might accidentally hit and hurt her. He pulled his arm from her strong hold and turned his back to her and started walking away again.

Ugh, Cristina thought, would you just let me explain the damn situation before making conclusions.

She ran after him again relentlessly, refusing to back down. She ran as fast as she could and actually passed him slightly and stopped right in front of him, her gaze meeting his and with her hand firmly planted in his chest, making him stay put, she finally began to speak and actually be heard.

She took a couple deep breathes trying to calm her heart rate. Owen stood there and planted both his hands on each side of his hip and let out a defeated sigh. This explanation better be good, he thought.

"How can you think that I would ever choose to have another mans baby when I denied you the opportunity to be a father? Even if I knew that you had moved on and you were married and had a family, and if one day I changed my mind and decided I wanted to be a mother, my guilt over the abortion, over the demise of our marriage and the end of the love we had between us, that would of hindered my ability to let myself be happy." She forced back tears and pleaded with her eyes for him to believe her. "Even knowing that you had the family you always wanted, I still wouldn't be able to get pregnant by another man, I wouldn't be able to do it even if I wanted it." His tense posture and grim features softened as she spoke.

"Then how do you have a baby?" He asked with confusion.

She shrugged her shoulders and ran a hand through her hair. "It's a very long story." She sighed, and was about to continue but Owen was too impatient to let her collect her thoughts.

Owen looked at her apprehensively, "I have time." He said simply while folding his arms over his chest and impatiently waiting for a reply.

"Whatever your thinking, I promise you it's not half as bad." She began, "I had a patient who was a regular at the ER, she kept coming in after overdosing, she had a drug and drinking problem and was a prostitute, her name was Leah and she had no will to live, she was purposely poisoning her body and she had idiopathic dilated cardiomyopathy to top it all off."

"I tried to help her, I wanted to encourage her to want a better life for herself, she would come in so often and I would always be paged because of her pre-existing heart condition, after a while, we sort of developed a weird relationship, we obviously weren't friends but we had a mutual understanding. She opened up to me and as time went on, I ended up opening up to her too."

Cristina looked up at Owen and after he gave her a nod to continue she began speaking again.

"Then one day, she comes in the hospital and tells me she's four months pregnant, it was too late to abort the baby but she wanted nothing to do with it, she didn't even know who the father was. I told her that I didn't have kids and didn't want one and that's why my marriage fell apart, I shared things with her but I never thought she would of used it against me. But then one night I'm at the bar close to the hospital and I get called in, when I arrived I was told that Leah came in that night but she overdosed and died and there was nothing anyone could of done, but they were able to save the baby .

"I was devastated by her death, and just as they broke the news to me, a state appointed lawyer came in and gave this..." She said while reaching into her coat pocket and pulling out a neatly folded piece of paper. She handed it to Owen while saying, "I hold onto this wherever I go, it makes me feel close to Leah."

She handed him the letter that Leah had left for her after she passed away and watched intently as Owen read it, his facial expressions conveying the exact emotions she felt every time she re-read the letter.

Owen started reading the letter and was so touched by it, he had to force down a gulp in his throat but couldn't stop his eyes from becoming glossy with tears. He thought the letter was beautiful and couldn't believe the turn of events that ended in Cristina being a mother, something he could of sworn up and down that he would never live to see. But here she was, with this heartbreaking story and this beautiful little girl who looked like a hybrid of Cristina and maybe even him. It was disheartening to know that it looked like a baby they could of made together.

He took a deep breathe, his chest rising and then falling heavily, his emotions were running wild.

"Wow." He muttered in disbelief. "This is unreal, like something you read about but never actually imagine it happening." He said.

"I know, sometimes I can't believe it myself." Cristina sighed, "But I can't imagine my life without her either, its almost like so awoke apart of me that had died long ago, she made me believe in things again." She said while staring into Owen's eyes. She couldn't help the flutter in her heart when she looked up at him, he had that look in his eyes, like the time when he was admiring baby Sophia and how cute she was.

He looked at her lovingly, almost unsure if this was a wild fantasy or dream that he was having. He couldn't grasp the fact that she was a mother, that she had taken on that responsibility, and the way her face softened while talking about her daughter made his heart melt. He desperately wanted to be a part of their lives, Owen was a man of faith and believed in destiny, he was certain that the events that occured while they were apart were cultivated to lead them right back into each others arms.

"Can I meet her.?" He asked while folding the letter back up neatly and giving it to Cristina.

A huge smile formed on her lips, "Of course you can meet her." She answered as they stood in the middle of a hallway smiling stupidly at each other, not caring for a minute about anyone or anything in the world except for the two of them.

Owen couldn't help it, this moment was too special and precious, and standing in front of him was the love of his life who, now shared the same hopes and dreams as him, he needed to seize the moment and seal it with a kiss. He closed the space between them and wrapped his arms around her waist before ducking his head and giving her a tender kiss.

After they broke away from the kiss and shared a few more, oblivious to anyone else around them, they began to go find baby Teagan so she could be introduced to Owen.

* * *

After searching for a while, they finally found Teagan huddled around a group of people in the attendings lounge, including Zola and Bailey, who seemed to be mesmerized by the little baby who looked like a doll. Sophia was also there petting Teagan's head like she was a puppy.

"There you are!" Minka said, "Teagan has been such a good girl, I think she is enjoying all the fuss being made over her." She said smiling

"Cristina, you have a baby!" April exclaimed while standing and giving her a hug, the greetings and hugs were endless, as Callie and Arizona rushed to welcome back their friend while Jackson passed the baby back to Meredith and stood up to give Cristina a hug and a kiss.

"The story is incredible, they should write a book or make a movie about it!" April continued.

"Yes, April we get it, its almost unbelievable, but so is getting in a plane crash and having a gun pointed to your head while operating on your best-friends husband but, hey, guess what? that all happened too! " Alex said sarcastically while rolling his eyes.

"Alex, the only reason why its not unbelievable to you is because you knew about it while we didn't." Meredith chimed in while holding Bailey up so he could duck his head and give the baby a kiss.

"Who is this?" Minka said while nodding towards Owen.

"This is Owen, he is the Chief of Surgery here." Cristina replied.

"Owen?" She repeated while a huge grin appeared on her face, "Like your ex-husband Owen?" She asked.

Cristina nodded while perching her lips together, looking rather uncomfortable.

"Well you didn't tell me he looked like_ that_!" She exclaimed with a smirk, "Cristina, when you find a man like this, you don't let him go." She said in her heavy accent while using her hand to showcase him like he was a prize on the price is right. Chuckles resonated in the room while Owen turned a few shades of red and Cristina merrily stared at him with a mischievous look in her eyes.

Meredith sensed that they would probably want some privacy, "Well, I bet Owen wants to meet Teagan so we will all leave and give you guys some time alone." She said while standing up and signaling for the others to do the same. She wanted her own time to catch up with Cristina and patch up their relationship but she figured it could wait, what was important now was fixing something that they thought was kaput forever, she was sure now more then ever that Owen and Cristina would work it out, they had too, it was inevitable now.

Everyone got up and left, Meredith was escorted by Minka who offered to help her with the two kids, and Alex handed the baby to Cristina before leaving them behind. Cristina easily rocked the baby in her arms which caused Teagan to give a great big smile her mothers way. Owen couldn't believe how amazing she looked with a baby in her arms, it was so natural, it was a sight for sore eyes, he thought.

"She's such a happy baby most of the time." Cristina stated, "Except when she has a dirty diaper or when she's hungry, the girl loves to eat." She said smiling down at Teagan who giggled as if she knew what Cristina had just said. "Yes, you do." Cristina said unknowingly being way too mushy for her standards.

Owen just stared at the scene mesmerized before Cristina broke him out of his trance and asked if he wanted to hold the baby, unable to form coherent sentences, he just nodded and waited for Cristina to place the baby in his arms.

Owen holding a little baby girl was such an endearing and breathtaking scene, the stark contrast between such a big and muscular man holding such a small and precious baby made her emotions run wild. She chastised herself for turning into such a damn softie but couldn't help the feeling of contentment while watching him cradle the baby in his arms and gently place kisses on the top of her head and her very chubby cheeks.

Having this baby in his arms, Owen finally felt like he was complete, _I could get used to this_ he thought. It was such an indescribable feeling and he didn't want it to end. Teagan relaxed in his arms and even smiled and occasionally giggled at him when he made a funny face or talked to her in his baby voice. They sat there for what felt like hours just musing and gushing over how perfect Teagan was, and they both silently thought about how the three of them looked like the picturesque family.


End file.
